Survive the nights reorder2/13/2023 Instead I am focused on mental and emotional resolutions. Although ironically, losing weight can aid my condition, which is a special nightmare given my history of bulimia and inability to exercise. When you face death–when you continue to wrestle with the very real possibility of it, or blindness, or other frightening consequences of a condition–resolutions like “losing twenty pounds” mean so little. Or: screw the brakes and let the speed carry me down, around the curve, towards whatever lies ahead. Pump the brakes wildly–no, no, too much exposure. Feel my eyes water as I soar downhill at breakneck speed. One foot on the pedal, push off and feel the wind dance through my hair. I suppose it’s no different than riding a bike. So, as the new year begins, I’m here, trying to find the words once more. I miss connecting the language of lyrics to the pain in my psyche and through it, finding peace. One of the things I recognized as the last year waned was that I miss the act of committing words to proverbial page. May you bring more music, laughter, love and joy than 2019, a year filled with death, grief and a fight to survive.
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